Clap on Clap off.. I Now Have the Clapper...

Clap on Clap off.. The Clapper. What a well known phrase that we have grown used to and laughed at for the past generation. The clapper had never come across to me as something that would shock me. I never thought of it as something that could catch me off guard. But one special day in the normally boring corridors at West Jordan High School changed what I went through every time that word was mentioned, regardless of context.

I can picture the situation perfectly in my head. I was walking down a main hall way. There were blue lockers on my left as the band and choir rooms were to my right. Everything seemed normal to this point, but never underestimate the power of a high school hallway full of adolescent horn-dogs between classes.

As I did quite often I was eavesdropping on conversations all around me. On this particular day the dialogue in front of me between two young ladies that looked as if they could have come out of the movie, High School High, were having a riveting chat. As I listened closer they were speaking of former guys they have pleasured and how great it was. Usually my abdomen at this point would be churning due to the thick smell of school cafeterias mac and cheese, but not this time. It felt as if there was a Keebler Elf brewing up something real bad due to the vile words coming out of these girls’ mouths.

I listened on. It wasn't thirty seconds later when a ghetto-superstar was walking our way. I was sure that the man hadn't showered in 97 days. The girls gasped as they saw him approaching. There was nothing that could prepare a man like myself for the words that would come out of one of the girls mouth after he passes. Ghetto-baller continued and walked by the girls without a second look. As he passed one of the girls said, and I quote, "That ass-hole gave me the clap!"

I'll never forget it. In the middle of the hall my bottom jaw fell to the floor. As I scraped it off the grimy un-swept floor I put both hands on my head in disbelief. I couldn’t fathom what I had just heard. Did this girl really just say that out loud so I could hear it?

There are so many things that are wrong with this picture. First and foremost the clap is nothing anyone wants to mess with if there's anyone out there that doesn't know exactly what this nastiness of a woman was dealing with I can help. The clap is more formally know as Chlamydia it is a common sexually transmitted disease (STD) caused by the bacterium, Chlamydia Trachomatis, which can damage a woman's reproductive organs. Even though symptoms of Chlamydia are usually mild or absent, serious complications that cause irreversible damage, including infertility, can occur "silently" before a woman ever recognizes a problem. Chlamydia also can cause discharge from the penis of an infected man." (Definition from CDC.com)

Now that we've got that out of the way we can really get a feel of the connotation of the mind cauterizing words that previously came out of her foul and most likely plague-ridden mouth. It has been burned into the depths of my brain and will regrettably never find its way out.

I would like to send my condolences to this young lady. I would also like to send my commiseration to her future boyfriend or husband. I would also like to say to him, don’t clap on... Definitely clap off.